Letters to Myselves

To: Rebecca Jones

Condo By The Tracks

March 2, 2008

Dear past me,

I know you think you have it figured out, you know where you’re going. People admire that about you. Soon you’ll understand; being lost without purpose is one of the scariest feelings in the world. Right now you’re focused on the wrong things. In just a few short years you won’t want any of the same things, even though your interests won’t change all that much. Your knowledge and values will. You’ll grow into yourself and become someone much more confident and competent than you could have ever imagined.

I do wish you’d socialize some more. I know you’re scared because you don’t know what this thing in your brain is that’s eating your hope and motivation and sense of self, that getting out of bed in the morning is a huge feat. But human connection is one of the most important things in the world, and one day you will regret not trying harder.

Perhaps some quirk of the space-time continuum will get this to you safely.

Yours always,

Alex (Rebecca)

 

 

To: Alex Schuler

Apartment by the River

March 2, 2017

Dear present me,

You still think you have it figured out, you still know where you’re going. This time some doubt has crept in. There are other things you want, after all, that you’ll have to sacrifice for your plans. What’s to stop your priorities from shifting all over again? You’d have to start over. You aren’t sure you could stand that.

You’re doing much better at handling your depression, but it still sets you back a lot. You hope this time you don’t spiral completely out of control. You’ve set up some things that will keep you accountable, so you hope it won’t. You still wish you’d socialize more than you do. It’s not really your depression stopping you now. Too many projects, too many plans. You vow to try, even if it sets you back a little more.

With you in spirit,

Rebecca (Alex)

 

 

To: Whom it may concern

Wherever you may be

March 2, 2032

Dear future me,

Did you ever figure it out? Where have you been? I hope you’re content with the choices we’ve made, wherever they’ve led you. And did you ever get over the minor identity crisis I’ve been having since I adopted this second name?

I’m afraid the depression is chronic, so know that whatever you’ve done you’re beautiful and amazing and you deserve to live. I’m so proud of you every morning you decide to keep pushing forward. Did you learn to get out of your head and socialize more? Have you started a family? I hope so.

Can’t wait to catch up,

Alex/Rebecca

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